#reverb15 // Day 29 // Decisions decisions

I'm joining pals Sarah and Elizabeth to write every day in the month of December, feel free to join in any time! Today's prompt: Decisions, decisions. What decisions did you make this year? Were they easy to make? Or hard? How did you come to your decision? Did you make a pro and con list? Go with your gut? Ask for advice?

I've been working on thinking less and acting more. Going with my gut instead of making the endless pro/con list. This isn't a recommended goal for anyone, I just have the type of personality where I may think something to death and never actually take action. I'm trying to adopt more of a fire, fire, fire, aim process. Take more action, allow the chips to fall, and make more adjusting actions later.

This is so difficult for me in my personal life. At work, it's a different story altogether.

At work, I make decisions quickly and with very little second guessing. I take responsibility and am not afraid to be wrong. It doesn't happen a lot, but when you make the numerous decisions I make on a daily basis, it does happen. If I get it wrong, I learn from it, teach my team through it, say my obligatory "oops" and move on. There are always more decisions to make.

I'm not really sure why that doesn't translate so easily into my personal affairs. The biggest differentiator between making decisions at work and making decisions at home is that at work, my decisions are 100% my own and affect no one else. I don't consider anyone else's feelings, I usually don't consider anyone else's opinions - unless I am truly clueless, and I am happy to take the fall for being wrong so no one suffers consequences but me.

In my personal life, if I make a bad decision, the likelihood that it will affect G or one of my friends or family is relatively high. I don't want to make decisions unilaterally and exclude anyone who might want to weigh in. So I become obsessed with seeking the opinions of others rather than acting. And if everyone collectively says I don't care, you decide, I become so paralyzed with the fear of making the wrong decision I just can't. In my past relationships with my parents and ex-husband, I didn't get choices. Things were decided for me. And I was comfortable with that at the time. I got so comfortable with it, that I ended up not knowing what I want or how to make a decision that involves others. That is all nurture, definitely not nature.

I think my nature is to be the way I am at work- quick decisions without regard to anyone. It's efficient after all, and maximizes my freedom by honoring only my choice. Yes, that definitely sounds like me. I'm working on the balance by always making it known what my choice would be, and also making it known when I can be flexible and go with something else.

On this day, my birthday this year, I decided everything! G indulged my every whim. Breakfast at Matchbox with Steak & Eggs, shopping at Lulu and Anthro, to the movies to see The Mockingjay Part II complete with buttery salty popcorn, prepping food for the next day's Friendsgiving feast, and an evening of Netflix on the couch with our puppy love and Whole Foods pizza (my favorite!)

#Reflect #reverb15