Mindset Monday // Stop Apologizing

OneRepublic sang It's too late too apologize I think he actually says "pologize", but no matter...

Justin Beiber sang Is it too late now to say sorry? Yes, yes it is, Beibs.

How about we just stop saying sorry altogether?? It's a very troubling habit.

There are certainly times where apologizing is quite necessary, but most of the time, it's our excuse to be passive. And sometimes, passive aggressive. Women are the biggest stereotype of this, but to be fair, I have never seen a grown man cry and not be apologizing for it at the same time. As though being emotional about whatever there is to be emotional about is not taxing enough that they must also feel bad for feeling.

We use the word sorry in our common language so much that it has almost become meaningless.

We apologize for our emotions. Too much or too little. I'm sorry for being such an emotional mess.

We apologize for asking very reasonable things of each other. I'm sorry but could I have this salad with dressing on the side? We refrain from adding "which is what I originally ordered!"

We apologize when people around us are not happy. News flash: You do not have the ability to make someone else happy. It's not your responsibility. You can be there for them, you can be compassionate and kind, but you cannot internalize everything that happens around you.

Sorry is not an expression of politeness! We are so obsessed with being perceived as rude, we are making excuses for ourselves before we even start our conversation. We say I'm sorry instead of Excuse me. I'm sorry, can I get past you? Why are you sorry? Because you've asked someone who is in your way to please move? That's ridiculous! We say I'm sorry when what we really want to say is that we're annoyed! I'm sorry, can you turn your music down (said me, never, LOL).

It's even funny that we find being not sorry so empowering that we have hashtags for it! #sorrynotsorry. How is it that we are glorifying NOT being sorry? Not being sorry should be the general state of things.

There should be a 12 step program to wean you off of all those I'm Sorries. Here is a more abbreviated list for your implementation strategy:

1. Be aware of your language. If you notice I'm Sorry coming out of your mouth so frequently, you'll realize that it's even happening. I think for many, it's a general reaction.

2. Say exactly what you mean, not what you think others want you to say. You think others want you to be polite. They do. Be polite in your tone and in how you ask for something, not by apologizing for having the gall to need something.

3. Don't substitute it for other genuinely fine expressions. Excuse me and Please are still super legitimate ways to start a sentence.

4. Ask yourself, what exactly are you sorry for? Nothing? Something you're not responsible for? Something you cannot control? JUST STOP

5. The "but" or "for" rule. The I'm sorry, but is a clear indication of an inappropriate use. If you are genuinely sorry about something that you did, you should be able to say precisely I'm sorry for... with your explanation all in the same breath. No true apology includes a but. Defending yourself is not apologizing, it's arguing. If you have a reason to defend yourself, then it's simple... you're not sorry.

6. While it's OK to feel sorry for someone, and to express that by saying you're sorry, that does not help them. Instead of apologizing for their sadness or situation, which you likely didn't cause, be genuine by offering ways to help them.

This is a big deal for me. I want women (and of course men, not to be excluded) to feel empowered to take up space. To be direct. To say what you really mean. To get what you want - not because you're so sorry for wanting it, because you deserve it. I stand on a platform of Unapologetic. And know this: If I hear you saying I'm Sorry, I will ask you why.

#Mindset