Mindset Monday // Complaining

In the pursuit of building happiness as a skill, there are elements that we can encourage and build, and others that we can work to break down and diminish. Complaining is one element that we should seek to diminish, or ideally eliminate, for the maximum potential for happiness.

Complaining is easy. It's a verbalization of dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. I want to classify two types of complaining. Active complaining and passive complaining. This is an important distinction because we should not live our lives silently in misery because we feel that verbalization of dissatisfaction is wrong.

If you actively make a complaint to someone who has the ability to do something to remedy your issue, when you yourself could not do it on your own, and that complaint is delivered in a kind compassionate way... that is an active complaint. You are verbalizing your dissatisfaction as a catalyst to creating the solution. Ideally, you would even come to the table with a plan of action or suggestions on ways to resolve the complaint. This is your attempt to stimulate change.

The bad stuff is passive complaining. The moaning about something with no intention of ever attempting to remedy the situation, or expecting the listener to act on your behalf to remedy the situation. Sometimes we do this to be sarcastic for humor's sake... I get that 100%. Little jibs and jabs like that are NBD unless they're hurtful. Sometimes we're being funny but serious at the same time. And sometimes we're just being bitchy and need to stop.

The result of passive complaining is not change, it's just negativity. Kayshay Code Rule #2: Zero Negativity. Do you like to vent frustration? That can quickly turn into passive complaining. But, at times, in airing our frustrations we are also seeking alternate opinions and stimulating debate about possible solutions. So, use venting to serve you and it can be active. Otherwise, ongoing negativity can cause us to have compromised immune systems, hijack our minds away from productive pursuits, and impact the people around us.

We ultimately have three options that will result from an active complaint. We can change the situation to our liking... or at least make it tolerable. We can accept the situation as it is. Or, we can abandon it altogether. Ideally, we can implement a strategy that will make a situation better for us and for those around us. If I were to classify actions, I would say that accepting it is second best, as it would allow for others to remain stable in the situation as it is. And then, as a last resort, you can abandon ship. That is least preferred because in your abandonment of a situation, you could be leaving others vulnerable to the circumstances as they stand without your support or involvement.

It's not always about just you, but you ultimately have to make a decision for yourself about what to do in an undesirable situation. Complaining doesn't count as deciding.

#Mindset