#reverb15 // Day 21 // True You

Kimberly Schoenauer
Dec 21, 2015
2 min read

I'm joining pals Sarah and Elizabeth to write every day in the month of December, feel free to join in any time! Today's prompt: Be You. Being our true selves is our life’s greatest work. How did you work to find the true you this year? What did you find out?

Wow, this is the question for me, isn't it? I've written so many blog posts and journal entries, thought about the changes in my life over the past five years (in particular), spoken to therapists and friends and pretty much anyone who would listen about becoming me. My website is called Authentistic, that's what it's about.

So?

Have I found me yet?

This year, while reading this book, and standing on this cliff, I have found that not only have I not discovered all there is to learn about myself, but I am not appreciating my journey by trying so hard to get there. I am not honoring the basic inclination for a person to change and develop. I've been trying to box myself in with a definition so that I can cling to it, and point to it whenever I feel unsure or not validated or judged.

I am doing the exact opposite of what my personality would normally ask of me- to be free. I naturally seek freedom in all things. Why would I ignore that while trying so hard to define myself? There is a certain freedom in not knowing that allows for the most authentic outcome to just... happen.

That sounds a little scary. Wouldn't just winging it lead to lots of mistakes?

Yes, most definitely. I could do with some bumps up against the glass sliding door.

Growth doesn't come from just picking the correct version of everything all the time. It comes from allowing many elements to determine your outcome - how you feel at the time, how others will be affected, your environmental and financial conditions - make the best choice in that moment and see where the chips fall. And if it's not quite what you thought it would be, that is the perfect outcome, because you have the opportunity to learn something from it without making an absolute definition of yourself out of it.

That might be the only way to discover things about the true you without putting up I Am boundaries everywhere. I don't want to spend my life putting up four walls around me to be certain of who I Am. It doesn't leave any room for who I will become.

About one year ago, I was taken away on Cheryl Strayed's journey, depicted in the movie Wild. I couldn't put my finger on why I loved that movie so much, except that I'm into self discovery and this was a heartbreaking and beautiful true story with a happy ending. At the time, this quote didn't resonate with me the way it does now. I wasn't ready to hear it. This year, I learned what it means to me.